How to Talk Dirty to your partner

How to talk Dirty!

 

Talking dirty to the one you love (or even just the one you're with) is one of those sexual behaviors people are uncomfortable with the first time they do it, and the first time they do it with a new partner. To do it well means letting loose and exposing yourself, which always feels scary the first time. Here are some steps to getting comfortable with dirty talk, and ideas for introducing into your sex play.

 

Here's How:

1. Be authentic in your dirty talk.
   Dirty talk can feel silly if you expect it to be what you've seen in the movies. You might have this idea that dirty talk is something specific. But good dirty talk is completely what you make it, and to do it well, you have to be yourself. While you may take on a role in your dirty talk (e.g. the ravished submissive) you need to find something of yourself in the role. Make a list of different aspects of your personality you can draw on for inspiration.

2. Find your dirty talk voice.
   You need to find your own way of talking dirty. Your dirty talk might be low rhythmic grunts, high pitched squeals, or precise whispers. It might reflect the way you talk in your daily life, or it might express a different aspect of your personality. You don't need to pick only one voice, the element of surprise can add an extra sense of anticipation, when your partner doesn't know what they're going to get an earful of next!

3. Expand your dirty talk vocabulary.
   Most of us are raised not to swear. Dirty talk is your opportunity to pull out all the stops on the foul mouth express. Unless you're role playing calls for it, avoid clinical terms (like penis). If you're at a loss, do some research online,  read some raunchy erotica, or in some cases watch porn (although the dirty talk in porn tends to be unimaginative).

4. Practice dirty talk when you're alone.
   Starting on your own, talk dirty while you masterbate. Fantasize about having sex with your partner and talking dirty to them. You can start by doing it in your head, but eventually do it out loud.
5. Establish ground rules with your partner.
   One of the reasons many of us don't talk dirty is fear of sounding ridiculous, or being put down or rejected by a partner. It's important to set some rules when you're willing to take risks like this. Rules like no laughing at one another, and no judgment are important. In the heat of the moment anything can come out of your mouth, and you need to know that your partner is respectful of the ways that can be exposing.

6. Start slow the first time.
   Don't feel you have to rush right into elaborate verbal gymnastics. A great way to start with dirty talk is to describe out loud what is happening during sex. Things like "I love the way your hand feels in my�." Or "Your �feels so good on/in my�" Describe what's happening and how it feels in your body. You can also experiment by telling your partner something you're going to do to them, or something you want them to do to you.

7. Experiment with your voice.
   Most of us take for granted all the different things we can do with our voice, and the impact these changes have. Experiment with speed, how fast you talk. Some things call for a staccato barrage, while some things are best said slowly. Change the volume of your voice, try whispering, try screaming, try everything in the middle. Also play with the tenor of your voice. You can sound commanding and harsh, trembling and uncertain, and everywhere in between.

8. Make dirty talking a two way conversation.
   Once you've taken the risk and initiated talking dirty with your partner, ask them to do the same. It isn't for everyone, and you might find that you like doing it more than hearing it (or vice versa). But being on the receiving and the giving end of dirty talk can give you a different perspective on it, plus you may learn a few things from your partner you didn't already know

How To Perform Fellatio aka a blow job

How To Perform Fellatio

 

Whether you call it a blow job, going down on a man, or giving him head, performing fellatio is an act that requires a lot of trust. Social messages about fellatio suggest that guys love it so much, they don't care about technique. In reality there is a lot of variation in fellating skills, and knowing how to read your partner, what to do to him, and when to do it can make all the difference.

Time Required: 15-30 minutes

Here's How:

1. Get nice and clean. Social stigma seems to focus on the taste and smell of women's genitals. In fact guys can smell and taste just as much and as strong as women. If you're new to oral sex, you might be worried about taste and smell. If so, suggest a sexy bath or shower together and start with a clean slate. You can also add a bit of flavored lubricant to his penis or put on a flavored condom, which is great for safer oral sex.
2. Get comfortable. Your comfort is key to your enjoyment, and fellatio can put a strain on your neck and jaw. Kneeling before him on a pillow, while he's standing or sitting, gives you good range of motion and plenty of access. If you've had bad experiences with oral sex where you felt lack of control, have him on his back and crouch in between his legs. Giving head can put you in a major power position, if you like that feeling then go for it.
3. Tease him with touch. Using your hands first, gently caress his inner thighs, penis, testicles, and perineum, paying attention to his reactions (verbal and facial) as you touch certain spots. The most sensitive spot on a guy's penis is the head (known as the glans), especially the frenulum, an indentation between the glans and the shaft on the underside of the penis. You might want to brush up on your knowledge of , to know what you're working with.
4. Give him a lick. Follow up with your tongue, exploring the same terrain using slow wide strokes with your tongue. Don't be afraid to use lots of saliva, as this natural lube feels great and helps create friction and suction. There are many STDs that can be passed during oral sex, using flavored condoms is a great way to practice safer sex and deal with any taste you may not like. It is also a perfect way to get guys who say they have difficulty with condoms, to gladly put one on.
5. Take him in your mouth. When he's semi-erect, slowly guide your lips over the tip of his penis, making sure your lips cover your teeth as you slide gently down his shaft as far as you're comfortable. Keep your mouth taut, as the pressure from your lips will feel great as they glide down the penis. Putting him in your mouth before he is fully erect is a good way of getting comfortable with the size of his penis, particularly if he is in the larger range.
6. Watch the gag reflex. If you're not adept at deep throat (taking the whole penis in your mouth), don't try it or you'll trigger the gag reflex. It's not necessary and a similar effect can be achieved with the hand and mouth technique described below. With practice, you can learn to relax your gag reflex and take in more of the penis. See past blog posts on this.
7. Use your mouth and tongue. As your head travels up the underside of the penis, flatten your tongue so it gives his frenulum a nice wide, wet stroke. Don't be afraid to try different types of licks or kisses--the lips feel good when popped over the ridge of the penis--but perform each stroke repeatedly before changing to give consistent pleasure.
8. Foreskin fun. If your partner is uncircumcised, insert your tongue into the foreskin and circle around the head with it. You can also use your fingers to gently massage the head through the foreskin, alternating with deep tongue licks.
9. Using your mouth and hand, tip 1. A great blow job incorporates both hands and mouth. Place one hand around the shaft of his penis while you move up and down on the top half of his penis. Try coordinating your movements so your hand and mouth are going up and down in unison. If you're partner is thrusting, your hand will prevent his penis from being pushed too far into your mouth.
10. Using your mouth and hand, tip 2. If he likes this combination, bring your hand all the way up the shaft (following your mouth), remove your mouth briefly, use your palm to slide and twist over the head (as if you were juicing an orange), and then glide your hand back down followed by your mouth again. Repeat.
11. Let him come. When he's ready to orgasm, keep your movements consistent and firm--don't slack off. Once he starts ejaculating, see him through with a few strokes and then stop, as most men don't want continued stimulation once they've come.
12. To swallow or not to swallow? This decision is entirely up to you. There's nothing wrong with you if you don't want to, but it's nice to let your partner know it's nothing personal. If you don't want to swallow, and you don't know how to recognize the signs that he is about to come, let him know you want a warning. Remove your mouth as he's about to ejaculate, and continue hand stroking through his orgasm.

Tips:

1. Don't forget the rest of his body. The testicles (balls) are particularly sensitive, and most men like them to be stimulated. Try lightly licking or touching his testicles during oral sex. He might also like them to be cradled gently in one of your hands. Some men go wild when you place your hand around the top of the scrotum and gently tug down.
2. You can also apply pressure to his perineum (the spot between his anus and his penis) with one or two fingers, as this also can feel good.
3. He might like wearing a butt plug during oral sex for added prostate stimulation. Or you can apply pressure to his anus with one of your fingers. Only try this if you know he likes this type of stimulation.

How To Perform Cunnilingus on Women

How To Perform Cunnilingus

 

 

Some consider oral sex the most intimate of all sex acts. Cunnilingus, the technical term for performing oral sex on a woman, can be incredibly intimate. To be good at it you have to be an excellent reader of her body, her breathing, her movements, and what she may be telling you with words. Everything you do is for your partner in that moment and not based on a performance expectations, lessons from porn, or previous oral sex experiences. It can be a bit Zen, but with more saliva.

 

Time Required: 30-60 minutes

Here's How:

1. Clean yourself up! Make sure your hands are clean, and your nails are trimmed as you'll probably want to use your hands as well as your mouth on her. Shave your stubble--nothing kills the mood quite like sandpaper on her sensitive parts.
2. Get wet. Many men have preconceived notions about the taste and or smell of their partner's genitals. If you're anxious about this, suggest a romantic bath or shower together and then go down on her. Getting naked and wet with each other is never a bad idea, and as you get more comfortable you will probably find that your partners taste and smell trigger more arousal than anything else. Some people use flavored lubricants, and many dental dams (great for safer sex) are flavored also.
3. Start slowly. Most women won't want to go from zero to oral sex in 30 seconds. Take your time and ease into it. Do other things you know she loves. Use your hands and mouth all over her body--which will nicely foreshadow what is to come. When she's good and excited--her hips are thrusting and the moans pretty regular, head south.
4. Get comfortable. This will be different for everyone, but both of you will enjoy this more if you're both comfortable. Use pillows and be creative with positioning so that you are both relaxed and feel like you can move around. Some people will find it hard on their neck to lie between their partners legs with their head poised over her vulva. For others this will work just great. Remember that it's okay to change positions and move around.
5. Get the lay of the land. If you don't have the body parts, you may want to brush up on your female genital anatomy. Most of the attention with cunnilingus is on the clitoris, but don't forget the rest of her body. But every woman is different, and there may be other parts of her that will take oral sex from the everyday to the out of this world. Use your fingers to spread her lips and take a good look at her clitoris, her labia, her mons, her vagina, her perineum and her anus.
6. When in doubt, go slow. A lot of women have very sensitive clits, so don't attack her vulva as if it were a juicy ripe peach. Flatten your tongue and use wide slow strokes to explore her inner and outer lips, her vagina, and her clitoris. Imagine licking an ice cream cone. Start at the perineum and lick up and around her clit and back down the other side.
7. Check the hood. Most women prefer to have their clitorises licked through the "clitoral hood". This is a fold of skin that covers the actual glans of the clitoris, which is extremely sensitive.
8. Experiment with different strokes. In general, women tend to like firm pressure and repetitive motion. Quick tongue flicks against the clitoris can be irritating. If you're not sure, ask her to give you feedback while you try different kinds of stroke--circular, side-to-side, up-and-down. Don't take it personally if she flinches--discovering what pleases is often a process of trial and error--just try something else.
9. Let her give you a hand. If you've ever seen her masturbate, you have some idea how she likes her clit to be touched. Ask her to show you how, or you can offer her your hand and ask her to demonstrate the kind of stroking she prefers by placing hers on top of yours.
10. Use your mouth. Take her clit in your mouth and gently suck on it. Use your mouth to suck on or nibble her labia.
11. Add penetration. When she's good and excited, add some lubricant to your fingers or toy and gently insert it into her vagina. Move them in and out using short but firm strokes. Put your mouth back on her clitoris and lick her while you penetrate her. This won't do it for all women, but many love the experience of clitoral stimulation and penetration.
12. Keep a steady pace, try not to stop. Women like steady stimulation, so don't stop unless you need to come up for air. You'll see the signs when she's getting ready to go over the top--her moans, her thighs pressing against your head, her body arching, her hands tightening on your head! When the orgasm washes over you, she'll let you know when to stop.

Tips:

1. Don't forget the rest of her body. In terms of what's nearby, you can incorporate the perineum and vaginal opening into your oral sex. Let your tongue travel down and pop in and out of the vagina occasionally.
2. If you are using a sex toy for penetration, she might prefer to work the dildo or vibrator inside her while you're licking. This allows you to concentrate, and her to get the rhythm she likes best.
3. If your mouth or tongue tires, give it a rest, but replace the stimulation with your hand or a vibrator (unless she wants a rest too). 
4.  It can take women longer to come than men, and many women are anxious about this. Whatever you do, don't make her feel bad about how long it's taking, and hang in there for the long haul. If you need to stop or change things up, that's okay, but don't make it about her "taking too long".
5. Have fun with it. It is fun to discover your woman's likes and dis-likes and when or if you master them can make her experience so much more pleasurable then ever. She may even "squirt" (female ejaculation) for you!

How to Achieve Male Multiple Orgasms

How To Achieve Male Multiple Orgasms

 

 

The process of learning to have multiple orgasms for men is partly a matter of UN-learning beliefs about male orgasms and male sexual response. Because sexual response and orgasm tend to come easily for men, they rarely explore other options (if it ain't broke don't fix it). But there are plenty of reasons to check out what's under the hood, even if the engine is just fine. The key is to understand that orgasm and ejaculation are two separate experiences for men.

 

Here's How:

1. Breathing and male multiple orgasms.
   If you haven't already learned about using your breath to explore your body, you may want to brush up on the importance of breathing for sexual exploration. For the exercises below you should be breathing deeply and focus on how your breathing changes as you go through sexual response, get turned on, build your sexual excitement, and experience climax, orgasm, and ejaculation.

2. Your PC muscle and male multiple orgasms.
   Your PC muscle is the one you use to stop the flow of urine when you pee. Your PC muscle is also involved in the experience of orgasm and learning to use it helps in developing multi-orgasmic capacity. Find your PC muscle, and make sure you know what it feels like to squeeze and release it (called Kegel exercises ). If you've never done them before, learn about how do male Kegel exercises.

3. Discover your "point of no return".
   This is the moment during sexual excitement after which ejaculation is inevitable. The best way to identify this is to masturbate and pay close attention just as you are about to ejaculate. You may notice a tingling feeling, which is the sign that you are about to hit your point of no return. Knowing what this feels like will help you know when to pull back from an orgasm.

4. Before you learn something new, take some time to understand your baseline.
   The work here is simple and fun: pleasure yourself (masturbate) as you would regularly, and pay close attention.
   • What things do you do to get turned on?
   • What happens to your body and your breathing as you become even more stimulated?
   • What does it feel like just before an orgasm? Just before you ejaculate?
   • What happens to your body after orgasm?
5. Practice when alone, and when you have time to focus.
   Learning to distinguish your orgasm from ejaculation takes time and a keen attention. Don't do these exercises when you have to rush off to work, or make dinner for your family. I would also recommend doing these exercises on your own at first. If you have someone else there, part of your attention will be on them.

6. Relax and tune into your body.
   This process is all about awareness. As you begin the exercise get relaxed, you may want to get naked also, and try to tune into how your body feels in the moment. Run your hands up and down your body, and really feel your body. You can touch your genitals and any other part of your body that turns you on, but don't start masturbating right away.

7. Masturbate slowly, paying attention to changes in your body.
   Now you can masturbate however you like to, but pay attention to the energy in your body.
   • Are some parts of your body much warmer than others?
   • Does the warm energy move up (or down) your body, or stay in one place?
   • As you get closer to a climax how does the energy in your body change? Don�t bring yourself to orgasm or ejaculate yet.

8. Start and stop your stimulation, play with the point of no return.
   If you feel yourself reaching the point of no return stop the stimulation and take some deep breaths. Once you've pulled back from the point you can begin to stimulate yourself again. Do this at least twice. Do this to get a more detailed sense of what your point of no return is like, and discover how you can control when you cross that point.

9. Use your PC muscle to pull back from the point of no return.
   As you feel yourself coming closer to climax stop the stimulation as you have in the past, but this time squeeze your PC muscle and hold it for a few seconds. Notice how this feels. This is the technique you can use to prevent yourself from ejaculating and create the opportunity to have several orgasms in a row.

10. Use your breath to increase the orgasmic energy flow.
    Having multiple orgasms is not just about using your PC muscle, it�s also about allowing the energy that usually flows out of you at the point of orgasm, to flow elsewhere in your body. When you're nearing the point of orgasm, notice the build up of energy (heat) in the lower part of your body, and begin to do deep breathing while visualizing the energy up towards your chest and head.

11. Let yourself go, see where it takes you.
    The final stage of this exercise is to let yourself have an orgasm, while using the techniques learned above including breath, awareness, and squeezing your PC muscle. The first time you try this, let yourself orgasm, but squeeze your PC muscle just as you feel yourself going "over the top". It might not work the first time, but the worst that happens is that you've had an orgasm and you have to try again.

12. Use your breath, PC muscle, and awareness to orgasm without ejaculating. As you practice the last step above, you may find that you can get to the point of no return, pass it, and experience a tingly orgasm without ejaculating. Don't expect the orgasm to feel the same as an orgasm you have with ejaculating. Non-ejaculatory orgasms feel different, but they can be very pleasurable.

Tips:

The above steps are a very brief version of techniques that men have practiced for thousands of years.

1. Male multiple orgasms are associated with elements of spiritual sexuality. Certainly doing this work involves playing with your body's energy. If the spiritual part isn't for you, don't feel pressured to follow it. Based on your brain alone, your body is an amazing thing capable of experience intense and infinite pleasure. If you prefer to see this as a science experiment go for it!

2. The above instructions were written for men to practice this alone. But these exercises can be easily adapted for using with partners (and are great for anyone who has sex with men to know about).

Experimenting with temperature

Heat it up, Cool it down - Experiment with Temperature

We tend to associate good sex with heat. We use terms like hot, steamy, scorching, searing (lots of "s" words) when describing memorable sex. On the other hand cold showers, cold shoulders, and cold hearts generally aren't associated with lustful pursuits.

As a rule, a good sex tip is one that turns a common assumption on its head. It's not that common sense doesn't always make good sense, but our sexual behaviors are so easily habituated, and we tend to find something we like and do it over and over until we're bored of it. We also tend not to think laterally about the sex we're having.

The lateral thinking, temperature controlled tip for this week is all about temperature.

The next time you're having sex, by yourself or with your partner(s), find some way to bring something cold and hot to bed.

 

That leftover bag of freezer burnt peas may not be good for eating anymore, but wrap it in a t-shirt and bring it into bed tonight. Or there's always the cinematic standby of ice cubes. You don't want to use the cold to shock your lover. Be sure to wait until things have hit a rhythm in the sex, and then gently touch a less sensitive part of your partner's body with the cold. Once they know what's coming, you can experiment heating things up with your bodies, and then cooling it down with a more sensitively placed cold touch.

To heat things up, you can explore everything from silicone toys or glass toys (both of which retain heat and warm up nicely if you soak them in hot water before using) to  hot wax play. Be careful with the latter. Hot wax play can be exciting and intense, but it requires some thoughtfulness and knowledge. Get some good information, be sure to use candles that melt at a low temperature, and experiment on yourself first. Once you're ready to introduce it with a partner, start on less sensitive areas, and build up (or down) from there.

As always, have fun!

How To do Kegel Exercises (for women)

How To do Kegel Exercises (for women)

 

Kegel exercises are designed to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles (also called your PC muscles ). Kegel exercises can be good for women who are experiencing incontinence (as a result of childbirth, medical treatment, or changes/stress on the body), and they have also been recommended as a way of changing how orgasms feel (some, but not all, women say it enhances their orgasms).

.

Here's How:

1. Start by locating your PC muscle.
   Many people begin doing kegel exercises but are actually squeezing the wrong muscle. Before you start the exercises, find your PC muscle, make sure you know where your PC muscle is and what it feels like.

2. Squeezing kegel exercises: start slow, find your baseline.
   The basic exercise can be done anytime and anywhere. Just squeeze your PC muscles as hard as you can, and hold them. This is doing a kegel exercise. Start by squeezing and holding for a count of 3-5 seconds, then release and relax for 5 seconds. When you release, notice how your muscles feel. The first time you do a kegel exercise see how many times you can do it before you feel your muscles getting tired.

3. Squeezing kegel exercises: use sets of repetitions
   Your kegel exercises will be most efficient and have the most impact if you get into doing sets of repetitions of the squeezing. Once you've found your baseline, you can work from there. If you can, start with doing 5 repetitions (squeeze/hold/release). Judge for yourself how long you can hold the squeeze for, but don't push yourself too much at first.

4. Building up strength with kegel exercises.
   Once you've found your baseline, do your exercises, and every couple of days increase both the length of time you hold the squeeze for, and the number of exercises per set. As a guideline, try to work up to a point where you can hold the squeeze for ten seconds and try to work up to doing ten reps of kegel exercises per set. So you squeeze, hold for ten second, release, relax for ten seconds, and repeat ten times.
5. Do your kegel exercises three or four times a day.
   Try to take three or four times in the day to do kegel exercises. Again, everyone is different, but as a guideline try to do ten reps per session, holding for ten seconds on each exercise.

6. Vary the intensity and time in kegel exercises.
   You can also try to vary the intensity of your squeezing and the amount of time you hold the squeeze in a set. Once you're comfortable that you're doing the exercises properly try a set where you do rapid squeeze and release. Experiment with how long you can comfortably hold a squeeze. Remember not to push yourself to the point of pain or discomfort.

7. Using products for resistance kegel exercises.
   Some people will use a toy or kegel exercising device to add resistance to kegel exercises. This is not necessary, and while some sex educators suggest it increases the usefulness of the exercise, doing them on your own is still a great way to develop your PC muscle. If you are interested in purchasing a product for kegel exercises, make sure it isn't too large, as this may get in the way of kegel exercises more than it will help them.
8. Do kegels while masturbating and having partner sex.
   Once you're comfortable, incorporate kegel exercises in your masturbation. Do them while you're getting warmed up, doing them before you have an orgasm, and even try to do them while having an orgasm. You may notice that kegels change the way your sexual excitement and your experience of orgasm feels.

 

 

Tips:

1. Isolate the PC muscle when doing your kegel exercises. At the beginning, remember to regularly check that you are exercising your PC muscle, and not other muscles. Avoid contracting your abdominal, thigh, or buttocks muscles. This is something many people do, but it reduces the effectiveness of the kegel exercise Concentrate on breathing and trying to keep yourself relaxed, and only tense the PC muscles you are using. Try not to tense up your whole body.

2. Finding time to do your kegel exercises. You don't need to set aside a big chunk of time to do kegel exercises. Do a few reps while waiting for a stop light to turn green. In the last ten minutes before lunch, when you're sitting at a desk, do a few reps. Do them while you're waiting for the movie to start, or a commercial break to be over.

3. Don't overdo your kegel exercises. Like any exercise, it's important to build up slowly, and pay attention to your body. If you are experiencing pain or discomfort, you are pushing yourself too hard. It is possible that you could strain the muscles and aggravate a current problem, when you are trying to resolve it.

4. Kegel exercise products can be fun and helpful but they aren't necessary. There are more and more products, often called "kegelcisors" on the market. While some of these can genuinely increase the strengthening exercises, and some of them double as fun sex toys, remember that they are not necessary. You don't need any special work out clothes or paraphernalia to do kegel exercises properly.

    

The Lessons of Divorce

Divorce changes your life forever. It teaches you things about yourself that you would never have known otherwise.

I know this blog almost seems out of place amonst all this sex talk, but it is a subject that has been coming up alot recently so I felt the need to write a blog on it.

Divorce teaches you...

• that you are capable of much more than you ever thought you were. that being strong is easy when you believe in yourself, and almost impossible when you don't.
• that actions are much more important than words.
• that children aren't blind to the problems of their parents.
• that good friends are an invaluable source of strength.
• that some friends are not worth keeping.
• that money isn't the source of all happiness.
• that forgiveness is a difficult and long process.
• that anger is part of the healing process.
• that being alone and single is far less painful than being married and lonely.
• that love doesn't last forever.
• that people change.
• that nothing worth having comes easily.
• that the price of infidelity can far exceed its pleasure.
• that even spouses have their limits.
• that one person cannot keep a marriage together.
• that one person can break a marriage apart.
• that lies and love don't mix.
• that lust can destroy love.
• that the legal system is not always fair.
• that no matter how bad your life is, there is someone pretty close by whose life is far worse.
• to use caution before you fall in love.
• that emotional infidelity can be more dangerous than physical infidelity.
• how much you never knew about the person you trusted with your life.
• that waiting for someone else to change is pointless.
• that if you want control of your life, you must take it instead of waiting for someone to give it to you.
• that possessions are a poor substitute for love.
• that hindsight isn't always 20/20.
• to trust your instincts.
• that ultimately it's all up to you.

 

Here is a quote that sums of my Divorce (sort of)

"...I accepted that nothing happens to me that I did not start or permit in some way. As I did all of this I accepted that the people that I would count as friends would become fewer and fewer, because the crazy folks don't find me to be fun any more. Then I came to like, respect, and love the one person that I can not live with out.........ME!"

Top 10 Ten Tips on Talking with Your Children about Sexuality

Top 10 Ten Tips on Talking with Your Children about Sexuality

 

Here are ten ideas that might help you navigate the murky waters of talking with your kids about sexuality.

 

With sexuality, there are few right and wrong answers. It's important to communicate in a way that fits with

 

your own values and beliefs. It is equally true that giving your child honest, straightforward information

 

about sexual health is the best way to support them in having a healthy sexual life, including protecting them

 

from the experience of unwanted pregnancies and STDs.

1) Sex is a Lifelong Conversation

When talking to other parents I often get the sense that for them everything is building up to the "big sex

 

 talk". The reality is that there is rarely just one conversation, more often there are thousands of small

 

moments of learning and teaching about sex. This means you get more than one chance to do it right. If you

 

feel like you screwed up a talk, don't worry, you'll get another chance next week, or next month. The

 

important thing is to keep the conversation open.

2) Know Your Comfort Level, Don't Force Yourself to Talk

Getting a sense of your own comfort is crucial. A well meaning parent who is uncomfortable talking with

 

their kids honestly about sex might inadvertently communicate negative messages about sexuality. Take time

 

to imagine conversations at different ages and stages in your child�s life. If you imagine these scenarios and

 

shudder, don't put yourself down for it. There are lots of things you can do to increase your comfort talking

 

about sex, including tips in this blog.

3) Clarify Your Own Sexual Values

Knowing how to talk to our children about sex is often complicated by the fact that few of us spend time

 

considering our own sexual values. Sexual values are the beliefs, priorities, prejudices, thoughts, and

 

feelings we have about sex, sexuality, and gender. Our sexual values will change over time and experience.

 

But knowing how we feel about key issues of sexuality can go a long way to communicating clear and

 

 helpful information to our children.

4) Make it Okay for Your Kids to Ask About Sex

All children have questions about sex. When we don't give our children permission to ask questions or create

 

appropriate time and space for them to ask their questions, the questions come anyway, and they can come at

 

embarrassing or inconvenient times. If you are genuinely interested in raising sexually healthy children you

 

need to create an environment where they feel comfortable asking you questions. 

5) Give Your Child Age Appropriate Sex Information

We all take in information differently at different times in our life, and too much good information is still

 

too much. Make sure to present your child with information that is appropriate for their age, and in a way

 

 that they can understand, and that you don't give them more information than they're ready to hear. If you are

 

 worried about what is age appropriate you may want to look for resources on sex education in your local

 

 library or contact an organization like SIECUS .

 

6) Practice Talking About Sex with Others

 

The only way to get comfortable talking about sex is to talk about sex. The more you talk about sex, the

 

better you'll be at it. And this experience is transferable. If you get comfortable talking about sex with a

 

friend, or your partner, often that comfort level and self-confidence can help you when talking to your kids.

 

 If you're comfortable, it can go a long way to putting your kids at ease too and you are modeling a behavior

 

 you want to support them in.

7) Take the Time You Need to Talk About Sex

When we feel rushed to answer questions, our answers are often not as good as they could be. A way to

 

convey that sexuality is important to your children is to make sure that "sex talks" happen at a time when they

 

don't have to be rushed. This is also important as these talks can open up into unexpected other subjects.

 

 Because sexuality is part of who we are, sex talks can lead to amazing sharing on other topics that seem

 

unrelated to sex.

8) It's Okay to Postpone, but don't Ignore

If you are shocked by a question, or get a question you don't know how to answer, it's okay to postpone the

 

answer. Don't use this as a way to avoid answering the question altogether, but if you've had a long day at

 

work and are rushing around trying to get the grocery shopping done, it's okay to tell you child that they need

 

 to wait until the end of the day, or when you're at home and will feel more comfortable talking about it.

9) Don�t Try (or Pretend) to have all the Answers

Sexuality involves our bodies, minds, spirits, society, and more. There is no way you will ever have answers

 

 to all your children's questions. Admitting this to your kids can teach them that no one has all the answers

 

 (and that you are human like the rest of us), as well turn into a chance to help them learn where to find their

 

 own answers (a trip to the library, or a previously checked-out, credible sexual health website might be in

 

order).

10) Know Your Boundaries and Teach Them

You are not your child's "buddy" or best friend. And you shouldn't feel like you have to answer every

 

personal question your child might ask you. Establishing boundaries for ourselves, the things we will and

 

won't talk about with strangers, family, friends, and eventually romantic partners, is an important

 

developmental stage, and you can model for your child by having clear boundaries about what you will and

 

will not discuss with them.

 

 

You child looks to you for advise, after all you are the child's parent. You should at least find out some information on answering questions and concerns about sex for your child's sake, so that you do not give them the worng information and it may lead to them to never trust you or to never come to you for advice again. Just use caution when talking about sex with your child and remember, this talk will come eventually.

What Men Want (a Guide For Women)

What Men Want (a Guide For Women)

  

 

What do men want (from women)?   Women have been trying to answer this question for ages, and   shelves of self-help books try to resolve the differences between   men and women by considering we're from different planets.     Recently, in discussing the nature of humanity with a close friend, I   pointed out the "M" his hand made when he wrinkled up the palm of   his hand.  In seeing this he jokingly came to the conclusion that    men really ARE from Mars! That idea worked fine, until a woman    overhearing our conversation exclaimed that "her hand made an   'M' too."   A recent poll said that the average person is willing to spend 6   months' salary to find their true love.  Many women ask the   question "What do men want?" to their women friends and   sometimes they'll ask their guy friends.  I've heard more than a few   women express that men are "animals" or just want one thing:  SEX   (especially when dating).  Yet, most women also know that when a   man is really serious about her, he'll wait to have sex with her.     Knowing this, and a few more keys to men, women can increase   their odds of success in their relationships with men.  If women    would approach men with a few simple, effective guidelines, they'll    be much more likely to get exactly what they want from men:  a   fulfilling, healthy, happy relationship.     Here are the guidelines:   1. Men want a fun and exciting (female) companion.   2. Men want great sex (consistent, frequent, and passionate   lovemaking score high with men).   3. Men want to share meals with their woman companion (especially    when she cooks for him).   4. Men want you to support them in their work and boost their   confidence.   5. Men want you to look great, keep in shape, and express    confidence about your body.   6. Men want you to listen to them and treat them with respect.   7. Men need private time, to unwind, to engage in sports and   hobbies, and to spend time with other men.   Women: in case you're not very thrilled with this list, that may be    because you were hoping I wrote the guidelines for "What Women   Want Men To Want," which, predictably, is a considerably different   list. For that, you'd have to see What Women Want (A Guide For   Men). But the idea is to understand men so that you might get along    better, right? Well, this guide works, trust me - it is proven and   tested.   You will note that this list of guidelines is far shorter than my list for   What Women Want. Why is this? Because men are more like dogs,   women more like cats. However, if you put a weighted scale on it,   you'd find more VALUE placed on each guideline than any of the   thirteen guidelines for What Women Want (A Guide for Men).  So, if   you want to improve your relationship with the man you love or   want to love, then try these guidelines and see how they work for   your relationship improvement results.   1.  Men want a fun and exciting companion.  There are things that a   man will discuss with a woman if the level of communication and   trust has been established.  Sharing activities can also be a healthy   way to build relationships.  If women spend more time with men   sharing some activities each week they are likely to get along better   with the men in their lives.   2.  Men want consistent, frequent, passionate sex.  Men get turned   on by different things that a woman does.  A woman wants to know   she's "the only one he loves" and that he digs her.   A man wants   his partner to be a bit of a lusty animal in bed - thus the high   subscription rate among men to Playboy and Penthouse.  (Note:     the top 2 subscriptions among men are Playboy and Penthouse,    the top for women is Ladies Home Journal and Better Homes &   Garden).  A woman that delivers in the bedroom will, more often   than not, get what she wants from her man - a dedicated lover.  A   woman who is more vocal in bed, and carries the attitude that goes   with it, is likely to get a lot back from her man, as well.  On the other    hand, a woman who is frigid and uses sex as a manipulation tool is    likely to receive games right back.  The main thing isn't so much   experimentation though - please don't take this the wrong way.  It is    about creativity, bonding, and emotional intimacy.  Men bond   through being physically connected.  The act of making love is how    a man feels that you love him.  Withhold this, and you are   withholding your love, to a man.  Men want to connect with the   physical act, because the act of release during sex is how a man   most feels connected to you.  It is the "feeling of being connected"    he most seeks.   By the way, some men living by their animal instinct or Ego's rules    enjoy the conquest.  We can help curb this tendency by being   aware and learning as much as possible about each other prior to   becoming physical.  Women can help improve their sexual   relationships by offering some spice and also helping men   understand the importance of romance, ambience, and setting a   good mood (thus helping her meet her own need to "heat-up" first).   3.  Men want to share meals with you, especially when you prepare   the meal.  I personally enjoy cooking a meal together and going out   and enjoying a nice meal together.  Do not expect a woman to cook   every meal for you, appreciate it when she does.  It is also nice   when a woman appreciates when her man cooks for her.  Women   who share their meals with their partner are improving the quality   time they spend together and building a better bond.  A man who   expects his woman to cook every meal might improve his   relationship by offering to clean-up dishes or surprising his woman   with a home-cooked meal of his own.  Many men just take their   women out to dinner to show their appreciation (thus, the reason   Mother's Day brunches are so expensive!).  Communication about   the importance of cooperation and sha ring of all aspects of the   meal can help improve problems in this area.   4.  Men want you to support them in their work and help boost their    confidence. Note: Women who understand men do not put them   down. Women who understand this ask men questions about their   career and let them know "you can do it, baby!"  In return, women   will find their man equally supportive because she understands him   and does things to let him know she's a believer.  Call it a case of    mutual admiration.   5.  Men want you to look great.  Some women call this the "trophy"   mentality.  Just go to a sporting event (like a football game or   baseball game) and check out the player's wives and girlfriends.     They are often quite nice looking with top-shape bodies. Of course,   many of these women are also attracted to the "star" image or   athlete's physical body. Looking great does not mean you have to   look like these people. I point them out because of society's status,   but please consider our perspective of how we look more important    than a societal viewpoint of what looks best.  Certainly, watching   weight, eating and drinking healthy food and water, and working out    a few times a week also has benefits to our own emotional, mental,    physical and spiritual health.  It is important to love our body.    When we love our body, why shouldn't our partner love it, too?    Even if you are "working on it," sending loving thoughts to your   body will help you achieve physical goals and happiness more than   sending out negative thoughts. Our confidence is attractive to most   people, and it counts in looks, too. Confidence is sexy. And men   love sexy women. Why did Marilyn Monroe have such popularity?   Because she was sexy. So, do your best to look great, stay in   shape, dress attractively, and display a confident and sexy attitude.    Watch how much more attention you'll receive from the man in your   life.    6.  Men want you to listen to them and treat them with respect.  I've   recently heard a woman say that she felt men were not respecting   her, but then a few moments later used the phrase "well you men ..."    in her speech.  This indicates a tendency towards negatively   judging men.   Sometimes, we get back what we give out, and what   we say to each other DOES matter.  Instead, when we give love,   kindness, and respect, we will experience the law of abundance in   action.  Men listen differently than women do.  Women tend to nod    their head and make comments, such as "ah, uh-huh, wow, yes,   right" during conversation to indicate they are listening and   involved.  Men tend to listen like a wall, quietly observing until the   other person finishes their statement.  Being sensitive to this   difference in how men and women communicate (and adapting, as   appropriate) will improve communication between partners.    7.  Men need you to give them private time to be left alone, to spend   on hobbies and sports,  and to spend time with other men.  Some    men need a few minutes to unwind when they walk in the door    before sharing the day's challenges.  Some women need this   space, too, but I've noticed that most women prefer to launch into   the daily review, while men really just like a hug, a kiss, and then   some quiet space for a few minutes to unwind prior to reviewing the   day together.  Do what works best for your relationship.  I find that a    sincere and compassionately deep hug upon greeting is nice,    followed by a thirty-second kiss sometime in the next few minutes,   helps re-establish that "connected" feeling. Did I just say 30 second   kiss? Yes, I did. Why? Because a peck kiss does nothing to    establish nor maintain romance. It requires a longer kiss to do that.    So, use your kissing to your advantage and keep the passion alive   between you!   I remember a friend telling me about his girlfriend, how she tried to   be his "Ms. Right" by becoming the woman he wanted, rather than   developing some interests of her own.  Perhaps, she'd be married    to this man, today, had she simply had some of her own interests   and creating abundant living in her own life.  It can also be valuable   to take time apart, once in a while, to reinforce and remind each   other of your bond that hold you together.  Perhaps, by not   spending too much time together, we may realize why someone   coined the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder."     I hope this advise works for you, it truly works for me and as I know   that not all men and woman are the same, this is merely a guidline    to help you acheive a bond that may last the test of time.

 

 

 

 

 

What women want (a guide for men)

 

What do women want?  

 

The epic struggle of mankind to figure out the inner workings of women is ages old.  Even Sigmund Freud, the master of modern psychology,  died trying to figure out women.  It isn't easy.

 

I had a friend once joke with me that "men mostly want sex, woman want the right to be hypocritical, yet call men on their inconsistencies."  Yikes.  No wonder men and women have struggles getting along. 

 

One reason why understanding women isn't such an easy thing is because the ways women process thoughts and emotions are drastically different than their male counterparts' ways of processing.

 

Studies indicate women use emotion to process thought as their basis for decision making 30% more than men do.  As such, women are also known for being more intuitive than men.  This is not exactly true, as men use intuition in different ways, and have different ways of communicating.  Nevertheless, men tend to bond through shared activities, whereas women bond through sharing thoughts and feelings.

 

I've noticed that a woman will want to tell every little ounce of a story, where their male counterpart might be feeling like, "ok, what's the point?"  A man typically seeks a solution to the problem, as if the story was a problem.  Or, he's looking for a way to suggest something to help his woman improve, which is based upon competitive thinking (how men relate in conversation is much more competitive).  In fact, a woman often is just relating this story to SHARE with him; there isn't anything competitive about it.

 

So what do women really want in a man? You want my take at it, here you go.

 

The top 6 things women want FROM MEN, in order, are:

1. Confidence (or Power)

2. Sense of humor (Fun)

3. Money or the things money can buy (Security)

4. Looks (Protection and Attraction)

5. A little bit of ""Bad boy" qualities (Mysterious and Independent/Strong)

6. All the other stuff they typically list (varies - sensitive, caring, etc.)

 

However, in interviewing countless women, and receiving numerous pointers from women. I must say that there is an expanded list for guys to get familiar with, according to women. So, what is the expanded list? Men can get what they want from women much more frequently when they approach women with a few simple - yet effective - guidelines:

 

1.  Women want a man to be confident!  Confidence is the number one quality women look for.  Don't be wimpy.  Don't apologize for everything.  Be real. Be you.

 

2.  Women go nuts over a man who will go the extra mile.  For example, he opens the door for her, he walks on the right side of the street, he helps her shop.  I'm talking about being a GENTLEMAN!  If she is cold, offer her your jacket.  If she is in trouble, protect her.  If there is danger, put your arm around her.  Be a real man.

 

3.  A sense of humor.  Women love a man who can make her laugh.  If you are dull, you are boring.  If you make a woman laugh, you're halfway home.  Take a chance, be real, but be funny.

 

4.  Women want a man to listen to them (yes, even to the gripes and details of all the craziness) and not necessarily give advice.  Many women love to complain about their problems; however, they complain not to receive advice, but merely to sound off.  I know it's hard to nod and be supportive, because you want to watch ESPN or do something that to you may seem more exciting, but the fact is, your woman will go to the ends of the earth to love you when you truly listen to them and acknowledge their needs. You need to understand that women need to VENT.  Allow her this, and she'll allow you in.  Nod. Get involved and provide active listening feedback.  Be truly interested in what she is saying without worrying about what you're going to say next. Then, watch what happens as your woman opens up to you more.

 

Women want men to listen to them, because they have a need to be  heard.  And, women want their man to express his feelings and trust her with his intimate side.  Real listening, with real intimacy, is rare.  Real listening is suspending thinking about what to say and being deeply engaged in what she is talking about.  Listening requires actively paying attention -- shutting off the chatter mind.

 

5.  Women want to be treated like they are the sexiest woman on the planet and that no other woman compares.  Talking about your ex-girlfriends is not going to score big points with your new woman.  Treating her like she's the ONLY one will make her smile for quite a while.

 

6.  Women want to know you will be faithful.  Don't tell a woman how you cheated on your ex.  It won't make her think you are wise, loyal, or trustworthy.  I'm not saying to lie to her -- just don't go there. Don't cheat on your woman.  She will not think you are a better man for doing this.  Just like you want to think you are the only man she's ever loved, well, that's the thing she wants, too. The key to faithfulness comes from your own inner character. Be a man of character and you will reap a relationship built upon trust. You gain respect through consistent committed action. Respect backed up by love builds trust, trust builds a strong relationship that can stand the tests of life and time. 

 

7.   Women SAY they want a sensitive man.  Truth is, if you go around apologizing all the time and crying frequently then a woman will abuse you.  Trust me, it is NOT wise to do.  This was well exemplified during the beach scene in the movie Bedazzled, where the main character in the film was trying to woo his love interest, his advice had been to "be more sensitive." Well, he went so overboard, was so sensitive, that his love interest ended up walking away with another dude with the assumption that they'd have meaningless conversation and casual sex!  Boy was HE surprised!  Being overly sensitive is a quick way to get shown the door.  It is important to strike a balance.  Be strong, be there, yet share your emotions. Speak up and be real. Let them know you care.  But don't be a sissy.

 

Women say they want to be treated like an equal.  This is not true.  Women want to be treated like a WOMAN.  Not like a man.  If she wanted to be with a woman, sh''d do that.  She wants to be with YOU.  Therefore, be a MAN.  This is not to be confused with being treated like a piece of property, not to be confused with being treated with disrespect.  Women want to be respected!  A woman wants to be respected for being feminine, being a woman.  Women are quite different from men.  A man who takes the time to understand the difference is a wise man. Bottom line here: NO MORE Mr. NICE GUY. Be a REAL MAN, not a sensitive NICE GUY. Because the nice guys usually do finish last. 

You still don't get it? Ok, then try this: be your own bad self. I will say that some women are attracted to "Bad Boys". 

 I think there is a certain ruggedness to the bad boy - they break rules, they sometimes behave rudely.  But the true gentleman always remembers what matters most.  Have an air of mystique, but definitely be you.  If, on occasion, that means doing what you want, rather than what she wants, then do it.  Just don't make a continual habit of it - that's rude.

 

8.  Women LOVE a man with a plan.  Women love men with ambition.  Men who know who they are, what we're doing tonight, and what we're doing with our life.  If you don't have a plan, get one.  Have a plan and be ready at all times, so that no matter what, it will appear that you're fairly spontaneous, but reality is you usually know where, when, and how the evening or date could go. In dating, it is extremely important that you have a plan when you ask a woman out. They will judge your sense of confidence by how well you have thought out where you will take her and what you will do together. So, think ahead, have a plan, then work that plan. While yo''re at it make sure you have an alternative plan, too, in case she doesn't like the first one!

 

It is equally important for a man to know when to call a woman's bluff and let her know when she is pushing his limits.  A man who just falls over and laps at his woman's feet is a man who is called "whipped" for a reason.  An example is as follows:  she asks, "what do you want to do tonight," he says, "whatever you want to do."  If this is his consistent pattern, he's whipped.  She won't respect him in the end.

 

9.  Give the woman in your life gifts. Like the Chairman of the Board, Ol' Blue Eyes, Frank Sinatra, used to say, "you gotta gift 'em." Well, I figure good enough for Frank, good enough for other men. After all, Frank was a MASTER SWOONER. Guys, get this: Frank Sinatra went to Hollywood with a plan to take a lengthy list of top actresses in his movie studio to bed at some point during his career. As the story goes, he pretty much succeeded. Some women will frown when they read this - but guy, I know what you're thinking: "who did Frank get together with?" Well, how about Gina Lollobrigida and Ava Gardner, for starters (I believe it was Angie Dickinson who claimed to abstain). That's like saying Jennifer Lopez, Halle Berry, and Charlize Theron to today's younger actor. So, maybe giving a gift once in a while isn't such a bad idea. Just don't go broke trying to impress h er! After all, Frank Sinatra also had a stellar voice, plenty of swagger, and loads of star power to go with his ability to buy a gift or two. Nevertheless, small gifts, especially gifts that show you were listening when she mentioned her favorite candy bar, or when she stopped at that jewelry counter to admire those earrings (but put them back without buying them), or how she commented on how she'd just love that dress in the window of that snazzy clothing store. Well, use your own imagination. But if you don't gift the woman in your life you'll probably be referred to by the woman you love as "cheapskate".

 

Now, "why," you ask, "do women care about gifts?" Good question. The answer is that one way women relate is through giving gifts - especially when you've paid attention to what they want. Women will gift exchange compliments with each other, too. So just trust me and surprise her with a gift every now and then and see if she doesn't respond favorably.

 

10.  Be a true friend. Let her share her good times and problems with you.  Be there, rather than just promising to be there. Consistent committed positive action is a definition of love. How do you show you are a friend? Are you there when it matters most? Are you there for the small stuff, too?

 

11.  Women want to be loved, despite their flaws, and need to be satisfied mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as much as physically. Unconditional love would be ideal love.  How can you love a woman without judgment, conditions, or rules?  How would you like to be loved?  

 

Sexually speaking, women define great sex differently than men, using words like soft candlelight, light touch, then becoming more aggressive as their mood rises to the occasion.  A man, on the other hand, instantly rises to the occasion. Women want men to be their lover instead of obsessing over their body to just get sex. Rather than treat women as sex objects, treat them as someone to relate with; in other words, a real person! That means taking your time, showing extra attention, and being tender in ways with her to let her know she is special.

 

12.  Women appreciate a man who is creative.  Roses are nice.  But sometimes it is extra special to think of something that most guys wouldn't do for a woman.  It could be something frivolous, but if it is something that you think SHE would like, then why not do it?  You might have just made her day.

 

13.  Women want a sense of security, to know that her partner will be there if she becomes sick or when she grows old or flabby.  Giving a woman security is being there through emotional and physical support.  An example might be if she has to have surgery.  Take the day off and be there for her, hold her hand, and give your full support to her. In other words, postpone that "tee time"! Security comes from trust. Again, this is about being able to rely in your strength of character.  

 

Knowing these 13 traits,,how can men better relate to women?

 

First, men need to develop ways of listening more like how women listen to each other.  Women nod and say "aha, wow, yes, uh-huh" much more than men do.  Men listen more quietly when they speak, and consider such mannerisms as an interruption.  Men may improve their chances if they are interactive in conversation. Relate to them. Carry on the story with the extra question.

 

Men also need to cut the cheesy lines and just be genuine.  An example might be how a man interacts with a woman in a bar scene.  Instead of approaching her with some line like "your mother must be beautiful - just look at you," a man can be more genuine:  "Nice restaurant, do you like the food here?"  would be a much better approach. 

 

If you are going to compliment a woman, pay attention to how women compliment each other. Good examples include: new hairstyles, jewelry, sense of style, great laugh. Poor examples would be her boobs, butt, or other body parts. Again, that makes her feel like a sex object or piece of meat. Relate and get the story behind that bracelet she's wearing. Use "props" properly and you'll get positive proposition results!

 

One challenge men have is the tendency to see a woman as his personal sex toy.  This is a real problem between men and women.  He really needs to put aside the sex issue and consider the deeper issues:  how does he feel with her?  Does she make him laugh?  Do they share common dreams and goals?  When a man stops worrying about when or how he will get a woman in bed, the odds for a successful relationship improve dramatically.

 

Men need to appreciate a women for the effort she goes through to be beautiful for him.  A woman does not have to be a size 6 or have perfectly toned muscles or large breasts to be a beautiful woman.  It is important for women to love their body (flaws and all), as this attitude creates confidence in herself -- which is practically an aphrodisiac to a man. Appreciating what women go through is a way to develop gratitude.  An "attitude of gratitude" goes a long way to improving a relationship.  He can compliment her and let her know she is beautiful to him and that she is "perfect" to him.

 

Last, men need to share in the responsibility of building a good relationship.  Helping make each day fun; living on purpose with aspirations, sharing the good times, and taking on the crazy challenges life can present, is what makes relationships worthwhile.