Top 10 Ten Tips on Talking with Your Children about Sexuality

Top 10 Ten Tips on Talking with Your Children about Sexuality

 

Here are ten ideas that might help you navigate the murky waters of talking with your kids about sexuality.

 

With sexuality, there are few right and wrong answers. It's important to communicate in a way that fits with

 

your own values and beliefs. It is equally true that giving your child honest, straightforward information

 

about sexual health is the best way to support them in having a healthy sexual life, including protecting them

 

from the experience of unwanted pregnancies and STDs.

1) Sex is a Lifelong Conversation

When talking to other parents I often get the sense that for them everything is building up to the "big sex

 

 talk". The reality is that there is rarely just one conversation, more often there are thousands of small

 

moments of learning and teaching about sex. This means you get more than one chance to do it right. If you

 

feel like you screwed up a talk, don't worry, you'll get another chance next week, or next month. The

 

important thing is to keep the conversation open.

2) Know Your Comfort Level, Don't Force Yourself to Talk

Getting a sense of your own comfort is crucial. A well meaning parent who is uncomfortable talking with

 

their kids honestly about sex might inadvertently communicate negative messages about sexuality. Take time

 

to imagine conversations at different ages and stages in your child�s life. If you imagine these scenarios and

 

shudder, don't put yourself down for it. There are lots of things you can do to increase your comfort talking

 

about sex, including tips in this blog.

3) Clarify Your Own Sexual Values

Knowing how to talk to our children about sex is often complicated by the fact that few of us spend time

 

considering our own sexual values. Sexual values are the beliefs, priorities, prejudices, thoughts, and

 

feelings we have about sex, sexuality, and gender. Our sexual values will change over time and experience.

 

But knowing how we feel about key issues of sexuality can go a long way to communicating clear and

 

 helpful information to our children.

4) Make it Okay for Your Kids to Ask About Sex

All children have questions about sex. When we don't give our children permission to ask questions or create

 

appropriate time and space for them to ask their questions, the questions come anyway, and they can come at

 

embarrassing or inconvenient times. If you are genuinely interested in raising sexually healthy children you

 

need to create an environment where they feel comfortable asking you questions. 

5) Give Your Child Age Appropriate Sex Information

We all take in information differently at different times in our life, and too much good information is still

 

too much. Make sure to present your child with information that is appropriate for their age, and in a way

 

 that they can understand, and that you don't give them more information than they're ready to hear. If you are

 

 worried about what is age appropriate you may want to look for resources on sex education in your local

 

 library or contact an organization like SIECUS .

 

6) Practice Talking About Sex with Others

 

The only way to get comfortable talking about sex is to talk about sex. The more you talk about sex, the

 

better you'll be at it. And this experience is transferable. If you get comfortable talking about sex with a

 

friend, or your partner, often that comfort level and self-confidence can help you when talking to your kids.

 

 If you're comfortable, it can go a long way to putting your kids at ease too and you are modeling a behavior

 

 you want to support them in.

7) Take the Time You Need to Talk About Sex

When we feel rushed to answer questions, our answers are often not as good as they could be. A way to

 

convey that sexuality is important to your children is to make sure that "sex talks" happen at a time when they

 

don't have to be rushed. This is also important as these talks can open up into unexpected other subjects.

 

 Because sexuality is part of who we are, sex talks can lead to amazing sharing on other topics that seem

 

unrelated to sex.

8) It's Okay to Postpone, but don't Ignore

If you are shocked by a question, or get a question you don't know how to answer, it's okay to postpone the

 

answer. Don't use this as a way to avoid answering the question altogether, but if you've had a long day at

 

work and are rushing around trying to get the grocery shopping done, it's okay to tell you child that they need

 

 to wait until the end of the day, or when you're at home and will feel more comfortable talking about it.

9) Don�t Try (or Pretend) to have all the Answers

Sexuality involves our bodies, minds, spirits, society, and more. There is no way you will ever have answers

 

 to all your children's questions. Admitting this to your kids can teach them that no one has all the answers

 

 (and that you are human like the rest of us), as well turn into a chance to help them learn where to find their

 

 own answers (a trip to the library, or a previously checked-out, credible sexual health website might be in

 

order).

10) Know Your Boundaries and Teach Them

You are not your child's "buddy" or best friend. And you shouldn't feel like you have to answer every

 

personal question your child might ask you. Establishing boundaries for ourselves, the things we will and

 

won't talk about with strangers, family, friends, and eventually romantic partners, is an important

 

developmental stage, and you can model for your child by having clear boundaries about what you will and

 

will not discuss with them.

 

 

You child looks to you for advise, after all you are the child's parent. You should at least find out some information on answering questions and concerns about sex for your child's sake, so that you do not give them the worng information and it may lead to them to never trust you or to never come to you for advice again. Just use caution when talking about sex with your child and remember, this talk will come eventually.