Echo's Notorious Sex Blog

Hi my name is Echo, yes that is my birth given name. Well let's see.......I am a Married 29 year old Swinging Bi-Sexual female. I am 100% Irish and have the red hair and green eyes to proove it. I am a smartass I love to joke & laugh,,,,,,laughter is the key to happiness, that and a very sexually healthy life. I did have a Girlfriend until she recently got jealous, so now I am looking for a replacement,,,lol. Hmm what else more can I tell you except...

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Is it Infatuation or Love

Are Chemistry and Infatuation the Same?
Does Infatuation Equal Chemistry?
Have you ever been mesmerized by a man/woman standing next to you in line? Is it merely infatuation, a strong shot of chemistry, or budding love: the real thing? Is Cupid being an impish child or bringing you true love forever?
Actually, infatuation and chemistry are essentially the same thing. And they are a very, very long way from real love.

According to Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., in his book Keeping the Love You Find, chemistry or infatuation is actually an attraction to a person who combines:
The worst traits of our parents or childhood care takers to infatuate us;
The negative traits that infatuate us and we possess but deny in ourselves;
The traits that we find infatuating but have been repressed in us by our upbringing;
The infatuating traits that society denies our gender.

The Imago is like a homing device that drives us to repeat ourselves, choosing over and over the facsimiles of our caretakers' worst traits. When we find ourselves saying, "You're just like my father (mother)," this person who infatuates us is our Imago match. For example, a man who is seeking a submissive woman, just like the one that married good ol' Dad, is attracted to a woman at a party. Infatuation strikes!
Why?

He is unconsciously attracted to the way the woman demurely lowers her eyes when she is speaking; the way she is so agreeable. He begins a conversation and infatuation strikes them both. She is unconsciously attracted to his power stance and his take-charge air of authority. In short, he reminds her of her father, a no-nonsense, ruler-of-the-realm. You know, the one she could never please. He protectively puts his arm around her; she nestles his head on his shoulder. Together they contemplate true love and happiness forever. Love? No, chemistry and infatuation!
We also seek an Imago who possesses traits of our "Denied Self." These are negative traits from our parents that we cannot bear to recognize in our own behavior.

Hendrix states, "The anger that is so unsettling in your partner was unconsciously chosen by you not only because it reminds you of your mother, but to substitute for the anger you cannot admit to in yourself. Your perception of that anger is at least in part a projection onto your partner of your own inadmissible anger."

By choosing a partner with the traits we deny in ourselves such as compassion or aggression, we can be a whole person without having to take responsibility for aspects of ourselves that make us uncomfortable. We seek in another person those traits that have been buried and repressed in ourselves.

Romantic love or infatuation is really the "king of self-love." It stems from a desire for self-gratification, not love. Part of what we fall in love with is our lost or buried self.
In short, romantic infatuation is an illusion of being in love with another person. In reality, we are in love with our missing selves. We are seeking fulfillment of our expectations by what our mate/lover can give us through association.

We unconsciously want our parents back. We then strive to get the desired results we missed as children and make whole our lost or denied selves.

In other words, chemistry is quite insulting.
Other psychologists have added that at least part of infatuation is buried memories of the first times we had actual contact of a sexual nature, even a quick fondle behind the barn.
We all recall our first dance. As women, we remember the way his hair was combed back from his forehead and the way he held us kind-of close. As men, we remember the way she smiled so sweetly and how she felt in our arms. Long after names are forgotten, those memories become part of "chemistry" or infatuation. Psychologists have said for years that behavior that is learned can be unlearned. However, most psychologists agree that the illusions that cause us to become infatuated are quite powerful and would not be easy to relearn.
Even if chemistry is actually insulting, it certainly feels good, and is probably in our life to stay! We're in love with infatuation!

Here is a poem that will get you thinking!~


Love or Infatuation?
Infatuation is instant desire. It is one set of glands calling to another.
Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time.
Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and places about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream.
Love is quiet understanding and the mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his/her presence even when he/she is away. Miles do not separate you. You want him/her nearer, but near or far, you know he/she is yours and you can wait.
Infatuation says, "We must get married right away! I can't risk losing you!"
Love says, "Be patient. Do not panic. Plan your future with confidence."
Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. If you are honest, you can admit it is difficult to be in one another's company unless you are sure it will end ---- in intimacy.
Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers.
Infatuation lacks confidence. When he/she is away you wonder if he/she is cheating. Sometimes you check.
Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. Your beloved feels that also and that makes them even more trustworthy.
Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret later, but love never will.
Love is an upper. It makes you look up. It makes you think up.
It makes you a better person.

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